Characters

Lieutenant-Colonel Reynolds
(Donald Hewlett)

Lieutenant-Colonel Reynolds

Colonel Reynolds is the leader of the concert party and enjoys their shows immensely. He thinks army life in India is very hard, while all he does is sit around sipping pink gin and dining with the elite. He is the stereotypical British Army Officer, very stiff upper lip and prim and proper.


Captain Ashwood
(Michael Knowles)

Captain Ashwood

Captain Ashwood is an even bigger fan of the concert party than Colonel Reynolds, especially when they dress up as girls. He is not very bright, and often unknowingly ruins other people's plans, especially the Sergeant Major's. He occasionally writes skits for the concert party, which they reluctantly accept, as they are, on the whole, absolutely awful.


Battery Sergeant Major Williams
(Windsor Davies)

Battery Sergeant Major Williams

The Sergeant Major is the only real, professional soldier amongst the concert party and its officers. He is somewhat bigoted in his views, making every effort to bully the Indian camp staff and constantly reminding everyone of British supremacy in India. He seems to have only one goal in life, namely to get his soldiers posted up the jungle as fast as he can.


Bombardier 'Gloria' Beaumont
(Melvyn Hayes)

Bombardier 'Gloria' Beaumont

‘Gloria’ is a very delicate person who cannot handle the violence, heat and mosquitoes of army life in India too well. He considers himself an artiste, and doesn't believe he should be in the Army at all, often trying to emphasise his show-business angle and ignore the "soldier" parts of his job. He has a passion for the glamorous side of show business and often dresses up as famous film stars during the concert party shows. He especially likes Ginger Rogers.


Gunner 'Lofty' Sugden
(Don Estelle)

Gunner 'Lofty' Sugden

'Lofty' is the tiny, rotund lead singer of the concert party, usually seen in an old-fashioned pith helmet, and has an amazing tenor voice which even the Sergeant Major cannot resist when he sings. In spite of this , he is always picked out by the Sergeant Major as a "volunteer" when there is a particularly nasty or dangerous task to be carried out.


Gunner 'Parky' Parkins
(Christopher Mitchell)

Gunner 'Parky' Parkins

'Parky' is the youngest member of the concert party and has tried everything to become part of them, including being a ventriloquist, comedian, and singer, although he is very clumsy and never does anything right. The Sergeant Major has reason to believe that Parkins is his son, which is why he treats him much better than he treats the others.


Gunner 'Paderewski' Graham
(John Clegg)

Gunner 'Paderewski' Graham

Gunner Graham is the concert party's pianist. His appearance - bald and bespectacled - marks him out as a stereotypical boffin. He has a university degree in English literature and is very smart, speaking with a very upper class accent, which is why the Sergeant Major always mockingly repeats what he says. Graham often has difficult and ingenious plans to solve the concert party's problems, but these plans never seem to work.


Gunner 'Atlas' Mackintosh
(Stuart McGugan)

Gunner 'Atlas' Mackintosh

‘Atlas’ Mackintosh does the strong man act in the show, which involves tearing telephone directories in half. He is rather short-tempered, especially when Beaumont calls him a "great, big, butch, hairy haggis". He is very masculine, and is a bit of a contradiction to what Beaumont thinks is right for the concert party. Nevertheless, Mackintosh always tries his best and copes with what is given to him.


Gunner 'Nobby' Clark
(Kenneth MacDonald)

Gunner 'Nobby' Clark

‘Nobby’ Clark does a whistling act in the show, and can do excellent bird impersonations. He is not particularly clever, and often makes nonsensical comments and observations about situations they find themselves in.


Gunner 'Nosher' Evans
(Mike Kinsey)

Gunner 'Nosher' Evans

‘Nosher’ does a paper tearing act. He is always eating something (and once stayed on punishment in the Canteen four hours after he was relieved, as he was enjoying himself so much) resulting in him spraying the contents of his mouth all around him when he speaks.


Rangi Ram
(Michael Bates)

Rangi Ram

Rangi Ram is the concert party's native bearer. He is very proud to be of service to the army. He feels so connected to them that he often talks about "we British". The Sergeant Major shouts at him more often than at anyone else. He is a particularly devious individual, who often manipulates the situation for his own ends.


Char Wallah Muhammad
(Dino Shafeek)

Char Wallah Muhammad

Muhammad walks around the camp all day, selling tea from his kettle. He can also be heard singing the musical interruptions between the scenes, which are mostly popular American hits, accompanied by a sitar. At the end of the credits he sings "Land of Hope and Glory" to be interrupted by the Sergeant-Major shouting "SHUTUPPP!!!”


Punkah Wallah Rumzan
(Babar Bhatti)

Punkah Wallah Rumzan

Rumzan always sits outside the officers' quarters, pulling a string that is attached to a large fan indoors. He comments on everything in Urdu, but always adds a few words in English at the end.

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